Saturday, May 31, 2008
Marching to the beat of our own drum
I know the rebel in me is ever so present, just waiting and plotting to break free.
Caged, locked and tightly hidden, for fear of others discovery.
But I say to myself, why hide it? Why not show the world its presence?
So, from this day forward, I will make its presence known and shall never shun its glorious form.
What exactly is a rebel? A rebel is different things to everyone, mine is freedom of self expression from myself. I'm rebelling against me. The me who wants to be liked by everyone to the point of saying, wearing, doing what others expect of me? In the years of self reflection, I have discovered that total self expression is freeing. I feel totally myself. As I've told friends of mine, I'm a student of life...meaning that I'm learning everything I can from life. Life has a lot to teach us and it's up to us to open our eyes and have an open mind to new ideas. Ideas that can move us forward and not backward. Ideas than can help mankind have a peaceful world and tolerance for each other. Ideas that will help our environment. And it starts with one person, me, you. We can't change others, but we can change how we view the world and everything and everyone else around us.
From now on, I'm going to be true to me, and not be afraid to be the person I know me to be. For so long I felt like I have been hiding behind a facade, a mask. Why? Because I have been doing it so long that hiding has become a comfort zone for me. But part of me is angry because I'm not real. I hide myself because it's part of my defense mechanism, the only way I felt I could fit in in my surroundings. This is something I have learned from a young age because I've never felt like I belonged anywhere before. I've always felt like a fish out of water, but not so now. I feel more comfortable in my new skin...or at least the skin hidden from the world in the past.
I'm not afraid of not having friends now, so I think that's why I have more courage to simply be me. I just want to lead a simple life. I want everything to be simple and have less complications. I won't wage battles with myself anymore and do whatever is comfortable because who really cares. I know I'm a kind person and I'm thoughful, and I"m always going to be that way. I won't deliberately hurt others feelings, but I'm not going to shy away from telling people my true opinions about things like I did in the past. I'm not going to worry about what others say or think about me.
Perhaps my professors from school influenced me to think and probe deeper within me to find the answers to who I am/was and what I deemed important in life. Once you get a glimpse of who you truly are, there's no turning back. Going backward will only bring you unhappiness because your new self will no longer be satisfied to continue to think the way you have in the past. You can only keep moving forward and discovering new things about yourself. It truly is like a light bulb just lit and you begin to understand what life truly is all about and you begin to realize the important things in life and that you have been traveling the wrong path all along and what you once held important were not really significant in the scheme of things.
I no longer am a rebel. I'm simply being me.