I recently read an excellent blog from another natural/first mother Robin Westbrook (Motherhood Deleted) about an adopter who said that, " the reuniting of her adoptee with the natural mother was "her worst nightmare"
And well it should be. Especially now when our babies, who are now grown adults with families of there own, have decided to find their birth mothers.
However, now the adopters have to play their last trump card, ' guilt'. Accusing their adopted child of being disloyal, and ungrateful for having been rescued by them from the menacing adoption propaganda, the impending trip to the orphanage. Already piled with grief over their mother's loss, our adult children are now being told they are ungrateful?
Our babies that had no more choice then we did. They did not ask this family to take them in and raise them, all they ever wanted were their mommies, the women who gave birth to them, the person who already had a bond with them.
So our precious infants adjusted, tried to trust and function in their new created families.
Most were denied validation for their feelings of being misplaced or lost, but instead were told the fairy tale story of how they came to be adopted. How they were special, a gift, gods will, a blessing.
The actual events were rarely talked of if at all. Our children grew and learned that no one wanted to hear how they felt. "Don't be sad, its your birthday." "But where is my real mother?" "I am your real mother now". "Come on lets go cut the cake and sing happy birthday." As my child begins to cry and runs to his room to be alone with his pain.
How dare them treat our children with such sickening disinterest.
But of course, it was not really about the baby/child's best interest, no, it was all about them, about how unselfish they were to take in someone else's bastard child, what big hearts and generous spirits don't you think?
I cannot begin to describe how that rankles my very being. They took our babies for their own, were praised for raising them, and held in high esteem for their sacrifices. Oh p-l-e-a-s-e! Do not even attempt to tell me that they did not know where the babies came from, I am not stupid nor a fool. They have always known but chose to feign ignorance to have what they could not have, a baby. They suffered not, but gained from our suffering. And our children suffered more.
Ah ~ now fast forward 30 or 40 years and our children who were never ever validated by the adopters as having feelings and a grievance for being adopted are now told they are being ungrateful?.
Well, me thinks it is the adopters who are being ungrateful. Geese give it up fakers, they were never your babies and they never will be. It is their right as human beings to find their own. You have had them all these years as yours, and now it is our turn to have a few years with them before we leave this earth.
And before adopters go off on the "after all we have done for you", perhaps it is time for you to tell our children thank you for allowing themselves to be raised with total strangers. Time to pay the fiddler.
NO, No and hell no, I am not buying it.
Feigning ignorance only makes you look worse.
SMAAC Member
Senior Mothers of Coerced Adoption Surrender
Empowered, Wiser and Demanding Justice!
EMS (Era of Mass Surrenders*TM)
Someone said that the name of our organization, SMAAC, sounded "angry." Well Gee...Ya think?
1 comment:
I just came upon your blog and could not agree more. It's appalling that the mother is so easily swept under the rug. But it gets lumpy after awhile, and when the house finally gets cleaned, surprise! There IS a mother after all! Who knew? the adopters ask. And what does she want, anyway?
We want what we've always wanted, our child, who was legally kidnapped from us after months of mental manipulation until we surrendered. We know that we can never be the mother we wanted to be. We know some other woman took and raised our child. We can't erase that. But what's wrong with a little sharing? Why all the suspicions? We just want to know our child and be part of his/her life.
The commandment "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife" does not just mean wives, but also extends to the children of other women. But that's what adopters do; they "covet" the babies of fertile women. I do not see the saintliness of being an adopter.
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