Women

"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So - if you give her any crap,

you will receive a ton of shit."

Queen Bees and Mean Girls

Why is it that some days I feel like I’m auditioning for the sequel to "Mean Girls"?

I enjoy the camaraderie of like-minded people who share similar characteristics and interests. I understand that in every life situation cliques form based on race, religion, economic class, work and children. In every imaginable situation likes and dislikes, alliances and exclusions form. There are cliques of working mothers and non-working mothers, coffee drinkers and non-coffee drinkers, those who watch Desperate Housewives and those who don’t. On the other hand, we all read Lord of the Flies in elementary school, and maybe more recently caught an episode of Survivors or the Apprentice on TV where people were voted off the island or out of the office. Cliques appear to be part of the human condition. At best they form a support group. At worst, they become a confining box. Conceptualize this modern day fable:

In a complex, multi-layered hive buzzes a beautiful, articulate, affluent, charismatic and powerful queen bee. She has the magical power to strengthen friendships, or to break them, refusing admittance to her inner circle. She functions well because of wannabees, who are delighted to be in her company. The wannabees strive to get closer to the queen showing that they are worthy by dressing in the queen’s style and sharing similar interests. They feel connected and comfortable. We all know about school cliques and how painful they can be to children. However, many of us don’t realize the power cliques wield in our adult lives.

"The quintessence of humility is manifested in a practitioner's realization that he is nobody or nothing. This state of enlightenment comes when he transcends all worldly desires, illusions and mental constructs and labels associated with the ego. Buddhism refers to this as "emptiness" - empty of the contents of an illusory ego. On an in-depth psychological level, when one realizes that one is nothing, one is also everything. That means that through unconditioned love and compassion, one is now connected with all things and all beings. There is no more "I" and "mine." We are all one.

Spreading the Word About SMAAC

As a mother of adoption loss during the EMS I must say that I am encouraged by the response to our new activist coalition SMAAC. I am especially pleased to hear from some of the adoptees themselves who are also standing up and showing support for us senior mothers.

One such adoptee has done just that in her latest blog.

"Another reason why I love this organization so much is because it is based on the era that I was born in. This is a natural mothers' organization only. This is a pure activism group. These women stand up and help fight the industry as hard and if not harder than many of the adoptee activists. Why is this older generation of mothers standing up? They want the era of mass surrender to be recognized for what it was. They want acknowledgment from the federal and state governments for what our society did to them. I too want that for not only my friends, Musing Mother and Motherhood Deleted but for my own natural mother. Please don't get me wrong. I am on the side of the mothers since then. I am also very concerned about the mothers of the past. That is my era. That was when I was born." Kudos to you Amy for honoring your natural mother as well as the 'millions' of other natural mothers is such a way that shows you do indeed 'get it' and as Robin said, "from the heart".

As we continue to go round and round in the arena of adoption loss beliefs, the adopters continues to cling to the label that feeds their rationalization for adoption. The label of ‘birthmother’ helps them compartmentalize us mothers of adoption loss into a tidy, tight and narrow minded concept of who we are. The bad girls, the sluts and whores, the cans of worms, the fallen, etc……..the list is endless, but it is merely the adopter’s base for their rationalization for taking our babies . They make us the boogie man, ogres, a category, so they can feel superior to us to justify their selfish need for another women’s child.

But by golly if we dare to label them, by using the term ‘adopter’ all hell breaks loose and we are once again labeled, this time as 'DISGRUNTLED BIRTHMOTHER’S.'

Politics aside, regardless of the outcome of the current presidential race, the Red against the Blue, Roe vs Wade~ another issue, adoptive families, not even on the radar for me, the core of this particular issue is about our view of the adoption arena during the Era Of Mass Surrender. We have been in the center of that huge gapping hole/ vortex that sucks your child and your soul into it. As a mother of the EMS/BSE I have first hand knowledge as to the battles we fought to no avail.

We are merely asking to be heard, tit for tat. However, the adopters, the adoption industry and society by in large are first to cry out with ‘foul play’ when we now dare to speak up. But this is not about them and never was. No, it is about our taken babies, what was done to us, not just our civil rights but our very basic rights as human beings.

Thanks again Amy for helping to spread the word about SMAAC and what it stands for.

SMAAC member

Shedding

But expanding and quite vulnerable. Eying life anew.

Discarding another layer that is no longer necessary, a skin that once protected me and allowed me to move forward has outlived it's usefulness.

I've been challenged again.
Every relationship I have is colored by my sense of myself, which is colored by adoption.

So many judgments. I read and sort and forgive and grow and repeat.

So many layers of judgment.

So many attempts to disguise myself.

Oh, I'm really ok.

Really.

And slither off under a rock.

And shed.

And look at life with fresh eyes.

Something From Addie

I read another excellent blog today from Robin Westbrook in which she talks of 'Martyrs and Saints' in adoption and how this makes her " wonder what the "gift" thinks of the whole thing, down deep where the saintly adopter and the birth-martyr can't penetrate."

Well, I wondered the same thing myself and happened to stumble on this great tidbit from another great blogger.

So without further ado, here's Addie.

Happy Ass Adoptees

I hate happy-ass adoptees. If I hear how special they are because they were "chosen" one more time, I'm going to explode.

They can take their "I'm so special because I was wanted more than bio kids." and shove it.

As for the attitude some of these happy asses seem to have about only adoptees that had awful childhoods being disatified with their situation, I'd like to invite them to take a swim in Lake Fuck.

I'm just sick to shit of hearing it.

To think someone would have the audacity to tell a firstmom who has searched for her near middle aged child to forget about contacting her directly because the a-mom didn't want her to, I say screw off. This firstmom at least deserves to hear that her birth-daughter doesn't want contact directly. If for no other reason than she was brave enough to seek her daughter out. That takes a fair amount of guts and she at least deserves to hear her daughters voice for her troubles.

The very disrespectfulness of suggesting a reunion shouldn't even be attempted because Miss Happy-Ass wouldn't want one enrages me.

We aren't all like you.

Grow the fuck up.

I probably shouldn't post this, but I'm going to anyway.

CAT-BIRD Seat

If you are sitting in the “Catbird Seat” you are sitting pretty, or in a favored position. You have the upper hand, an advantage.

Now there seems to be a bit of debate on whether the legendary baseball broadcaster Red Barber coined this phrase or if he borrowed the folksy phrase from his Southern origins. Some feel he may have lifted the phrase from James Thurber’s 1942 short story of the same name “The Catbird Seat.” However, according to Wikipedia, Barber’s daughter claims her dad began using the phrase only after reading Thurber’s story. But then Red Barber says Thurber purloined the term from him… and so it goes, back and forth. Is it really important? Not so much.

In another part of the world, the Australian bowerbird is also known as the catbird. This little guy is known for his elaborate, artistic displays, in order to attract a mate. Some males will gather up hundreds of shells, colored glass or rock and arrange them into a remarkable “seat” upon which his potential mate will be enthroned. A favored position? Sitting pretty perhaps?

Hmmmmm. Me thinks I get it now.

Well, regardless of the etymology, it seems our ‘hero’ above, in the makeshift bird costume, as hard as he may be trying, is not fooling anyone, least of all his little bird friend. Cat-bird is in anything but a favored position. Nor is he sitting or otherwise pretty.

I Yam What I Yam

Borrowing from a man who knew who he was. I am also finding myself saying the exact same thing.

I YAM WHAT I YAM.

I am starting to see that old age, as a stage of life, has a purpose. Denying we are older doesn't make being older go away. Me thinks it behooves us to think what the purpose for this time of life might be. When we try to deny being older, think on it as a failure of the body, a thing to hide, a thing to not recognize in ourselves or others, we miss out on a crucial piece of living.

Getting older now has a benifit. Now we can speak our mind. We have earned the right, our stripes have been hard earned, but by golly they are there. We have paid are taxes, earned a living, paid homage to our gods.

We now have the right to speak up and tell how we had our children taken from us and stripped of our souls. Now is our turn to be heard, as we have been a muffled sound in the breeze, a silenced voice. No, now is the time to call a spade a spade. What the heck are they going to do to us, send us away again.

Nature is full of change as the seasons illustrate. Most of those cycles keep going round and round without anything permanent changing. A full moon is a full moon and was the same when I was a toddler and now when I am 59.

'round and round without anything permanent changing' Duh, hello.

Time to speak up me thinks, what do we have to loose?

SMAAC Member
Senior Mothers of Coerced Adoption Surrender; Empowered, Wiser and Demanding Justice!

Some people wonder what this SMAAC group is all about. Well, it isn't about reunion. And, while most of us are proudly anti-adoption, it isn't really about that. Nor is it about open records except where those records pertain to the experience of the Senior Mother of adoption loss, pre-surrender.